The one with no real happy ending
by KS Claw
Summary: Eldritch AU. Lady Pitchiner is left as a widow, before she even has her wedding night because of one Sanderson Mansnoozie. (further summary in Author's Notes)


_A/N: To start with, this is a little difficult to explain. On tumblr, there is an AU known as the "Eldritch Abomination" or "Eldritch Husbands" AU (husbands because most of this is Sandy/Pitch as Eldritch creatures who have been together for a looooong time). Most of it has been written out by tumblr user Gretchensinister, and I highly recommend reading through at least a bit of her masterpost there, to get a sense of what's going on (Keep in mind, some of her stories are a bit NSFW). Short of the long, I got inspired to a "what if" kind of idea, and the bunnies kept biting and gnawing until I sat down and wrote on this story._

 _This story was insanely hard to write, and it somehow turned into this. I mean, I've had sad stories I've felt weepy over before while working on them, but this one had me cry myself to a headache at some point... I don't know if it's just me being over-emotional, but I'll find out, won't I?_

"Milady?" A housemaid called carefully, knocking delicately on the door frame as she did so. "There is someone here to see you."

Her mistress, the young Lady Pitchiner, was sitting in her study, her back straight while an open book rested in her lap. Her eyes were not focused on the text, however, and when she finally lifted her gaze to look towards her, the maid could see clear signs of how her mistress had not slept.

 _Really, who could blame her?_ The maid thought quietly, before she carefully curtsied.

"Lord Mansnoozie is here, mistress. He wishes to speak with you."

A flicker. Hands clenching tight around the book.

"I will not see _it._ " Her voice was rough, straining as she in her weary state forced herself to not reveal her true feelings. The housemaid withheld a shudder… Her mistress was an incredibly strong woman, despite the events of what others referred to as 'the tragedy'.

"I will tell Lord Mansnoozie, that you are unavailable, milady." Was all she said, however, and she quietly closed the door to the study before she headed off.

She pretended not to hear the quiet sobs coming from behind the door.

-  
How long had it been since she had last slept?

She couldn't recall. Her mind was too tired to properly tell the time, with tonics being the only thing that could even give her a remote bit of rest during the night, or that kept her awake and as alert as possible during the day.

There was so much work to be done, and she was all alone about it.

 _It wasn't supposed to be like this_ , she thought unhappily for what had to be the hundredth time. _This was all so_ _ **wrong**_ **.** She wasn't supposed to be alone about running the Pitchiner estate, or the grounds that came with it. The staff, who had served the family for generations, were kind and understanding, and did their best to aid the young woman. It was the least they could do, for the lady who had been their Master's bride.

 _Bride,_ she thought bitterly, _and now his widow._ Constellation laws were the only thing that kept other, greedier family members from seizing the property. During a time that no one recalled anymore, the laws had been created to insure that Constellan Nobility or other society classes were well provided for, in case of any loss of spouses, even if there had been no heirs conceived or born.

 _No heirs…_ The thought made her give a strangled sound of misery, and she clasped a hand over her mouth to smother the sound.

She had looked forward to being his wife and mother to his children.

"Milady?" The groundskeeper she had been speaking to asked gently. She shook her head, forcing down the painful knot in her throat. He had been speaking with her of the upcoming harvest. There was so much work to do, and he knew folk who would come by and help.

"I'm sorry. Please continue." She managed.

-  
 _What was supposed to have been the happiest day of her life, had become the greatest tragedy._

 _She wondered if anyone had known about Mansnoozie. How he had been more than just a simple star pilot, who had served in the Golden Army along with Kozmotis Pitchiner._

 _She wondered if that was where the star pilot had taken a liking to him. Or if it had been long before that. You could never really tell with those things._

 _The ceremony had been beautiful. The vows had been given, flowing like well-practiced poetry between them. An exchange of rings, and a warm kiss to the cheers of their gathered friends and family…_

 _She had felt something off even then. Kozmotis' eyes had been strangely distant throughout it all, except when he had held her close and kissed her to seal their vows. And he had smiled to her, but he was looking towards the crowd._

 _Had Mansnoozie been influencing him then already?_

 _Flashforward to the party itself. People were dancing, some were singing, giving praises to the young couple and wishing them happiness and fertility._

 _She had felt something was wrong, like an itch an uncomfortable itch under her skin. Anyone else might have brushed it off as nerves, but she could tell from others, fellow officers who had served with Kozmotis, that something was wrong!_

 _"Has anyone seen my husband?" She asked. On the third try of asking the question, a servant helpfully pointed out, that he had seen Lord Pitchiner going to the balcony, in company with Lord Mansnoozie. She had hurried off, her heart in her throat, as the sense of wrong seemed to grow stronger and stronger. It seemed as if everything was against her, from crowds of people standing in her way, to her getting to the wrong balconies, finding only empty space, not once but two, three, four times…_

 _Fifth try, and she shoved the doors open, gasping for breath in exhaustion… Only to find herself drawing in a breath to release it in a sharp, loud scream._

-  
She was too tired these days, to even think about what she had seen. It wasn't something she could describe. Could anyone truly, when it came to those… things?

All she knew was simply this:

Sanderson Mansnoozie was a monster. A being of the oldest Constellations… No, not even that, a being from before the Constellations had even been a conceived thought. It had sought out her husband, and it had stolen him from her. It had used whatever unnatural influence it had on Kozmotis Pitchiner, turning him into… another _it._

She thought of this, as she sat alone in her bedroom, watching her own exhausted reflection. The memory of that night made a familiar ache well up in her chest, and she surprised herself when she found tears running down her cheeks. She had been crying so much lately, that she thought she had run out by now.

 _Why?_ Was all she could think unhappily. In her reflection, she could see a portrait of Kozmotis hanging on the wall. It seemed almost as if he was looking at her, and for a moment, she pictured him standing by her side, holding her by her shoulders.

 _Why did you leave me?_ She thought miserably. _Was getting married really so horrible?_ She knew he had been anxious about the wedding, had teased him of how it was a bride's job to worry… but now she wondered…

Had he planned on leaving all along? Had Mansnoozie already had its hooks on him, before their engagement had even been announced?

 _Why?_

"Milady?" A tentative knock on the door to her room. "Lord Mansnoozie wishes to speak with you."

And that was another thing. She felt a rush of heat, as anger took the place of sorrow, making her bare her teeth at her own reflection in barely held rage.

" _I will not see it!_ " She snapped. Ever since the wedding day, that thrice-damned thing had come to the Pitchiner estate, seeking audience. It never said why, it merely requested to see her.

What right did it have to make such a request?

"I will tell him, that you are unavailable, milady." Her maid responded dutifully, before she walked off.

She didn't know how many times it had come by. All she knew, was that she did not wish to face her husbands murderer.

 _Murder._ It was an awful word, but it was the best way to describe what Mansnoozie had done. It had influenced her husband, tricked or forced him into giving up his human shape… And once you had become one of those things, there was no going back. Oh they could create human shapes… But it might as well be like a child playing with a doll. There was no sense, no feeling, no emotion.

No heart.

She would know her beloved anywhere. And the thing that had stood before her on the balcony that night had not been her husband.

-  
 _Everything about the sight before her is wrong. Colors seem to be shimmering in the air, words are spoken in a language she can't understand and the sounds feel more than sound loud and discordant, and it takes her several moments, before she realizes she is dreaming. And she wonders idly, if Mansnoozie is forcing her to see things from its point of view._

 _It is kissing her husband. And he is letting it, his human form seeming to slowly dissolve in front of her. To her, he disappeared from view. To it, Kozmotis becomes something else (_ lightminewarmsoftnew _) and his new form is like a shadow, disappearing in the dark to human eyes while Mansnoozie can see its new form perfectly. She recalls only seeing an outline, shaped vaguely like a man, and yet very clearly not._

 _There is a dangerous beauty to it, as it curls around Mansnoozie's own golden strands, and it doesn't take long for her to realize that she was right. Mansnoozie had been influencing Kozmotis for a long time, waiting for the right moment to finally turn him into one of its own kind._

 _She screams, just as she did that night. She knows her own grief, her sorrow, but Mansnoozie's forced point of view shows its confusion. It doesn't understand why she is reacting this way. She had run that night, calling attention to what had happened. The overwhelming sense of_ shockangerrage _had been surprising, and had caused Mansnoozie and what had been Kozmotis to retreat. But now, in this dream, she is forced to stay where she is, the ground feeling thick as molasses and keeping her from running, though she tries to force herself to do so._

Happyhappy joyecstaticnewlife _Mansnoozie hums,_ not sorrowsorrowhurtpain.

 _She is clawing desperately at herself, trying to force herself to wake up. She doesn't want to see this, she doesn't want to hear, she doesn't want to dream! She is crying, and she suspects she is crying in the waking world too._

Happyjoyhappy _the creature almost seems to beg._

 _ **"GO AWAY!"**_ _She screams, pouring out all her sorrow, all her grief, hatred, anger, rage into the words. She hates this being, hates how it took from her what she held dear, her beloved._

Oursyourstogether! _It replies, sounding almost mournful. It doesn't understand, and it probably never will. Finally, FINALLY, by her own will or because it allows her to, she wrestles free of the molasses-trap and she runs, runs down seemingly endless corridors that are golden and black, light and dark, beautiful and terrible. She doesn't want to see it, weeping madly as she clutches at her face, wanting nothing more than to claw out her own eyes so she won't have to look at this awful awful NIGHTMARE. She runs until she can't, feeling breathless even in dreams._

I love you _, Kozmotis' voice seems to call out, but it sounds wrong to her ears. Like he is speaking in multiple voices at once, from behind a thick curtain._

Loveyouwantyoumineourstogether… _both voices say. They repeat the words over and over, but she doesn't want to listen. All she hears are whispered lies, a lure to become something that she is not._

 _"You don't love me!" She sobs, heartbroken. "If you loved me, why did you go with_ _ **IT?**_ _"_

 _Silence. She sinks to the ground, weeping as she clutches her hands to her chest. She feels as though her broken heart will fall out otherwise._

 _"Wake up... Let me wake up..." She sobs. At this point, she doesn't care. She doesn't want to be in this horrible dreamscape, but she doesn't want to be in the waking world either._

 _Kozmotis was her world, and Mansnoozie took it all from her._

She woke to a crowd of worried faces. The servants had come to wake her, but had been unable to do so, even in her most distressed moments, though they had grabbed and held her down, when she had been clawing at herself.

She allows a doctor to look at her, and he can inform her that while it was clear she had been under the influence of Mansnoozie's powers, he had left her alone now.

"I wish there were some sort of wards that I could offer, for protection." He told her gravely. "But unfortunately..."

"If there were such things to begin with, I would still have a husband." She replied quietly.

And, she added sadly to herself, her heart would not feel as fractured as it did.

Time passed and did so slowly.

Mansnoozie would show up every few days, outside, or inside her dreams. Each encounter in the dreamscape became more heartbreaking for each time, and she began to wonder if she would ever find peace.

It came to a point, where she found herself waking up, feeling more weary than when she fell asleep. She sat up in bed, looking down at her hands.

Always the same words. Never a single answer to any of her questions, no matter how she begged or cried.

"If you loved me, why did you leave with it?" She asked out loud.

There is no answer. She supposed that she was grateful for having at least a bit of peace in the waking world. And yet… No.

People outside of the estate had begun talking. They too were asking the same questions, wondering why such a promising young man would leave his bride like that. It had been one thing, if it had been with another woman, or even another man at that. But no. It had been with a creature, where things could not even be claimed as a scandal. She bitterly thought about how that at least would have been bearable.

She missed Kozmotis. Longed for him every hour, every minute. He had been her rock, and now he was gone, and she felt as though the earth was crumbling to pieces underneath her…

She curled up on the bed, burying her face in her knees with a sob, wishing quietly for death to be the one that was longing to take her away, instead of a Being from beyond the stars.

-  
The Lady Pitchiner continued her work. She ran the estate, with all the help she could get from the servants. No one spoke of how she would sometimes be crying out in her sleep, or how she would coldly reject the visits of a Lord Mansnoozie. Every week the Lord Mansnoozie would come, and ever week he(it) would be rejected. The Lady Pitchiner wouldn't even look after him(it), as the star pilot headed off.

At the same time however, the Lady Pitchiner grew frail. She had become pale and lost weight, and the lack of sleep made deep shadows under her eyes, that almost gave her the appearance of a lonesome ghost, when she was seen wandering through the estate in the later hours. She had no appetite, not for food or social company.

The staff worried about her, and all silently prayed that Mansnoozie would give up his visits, in the waking world as well as dreams, so that their young Mistress could be allowed some sort of peace of mind.

-  
 _The dream is different this time. It is not at the wedding, or that cursed balcony. For a moment, she dares to believe that Mansnoozie has finally decided to leave her alone, to allow her a natural sleep, instead of the one created by the creature._

 _She is on a hill overlooking a valley. In a lake shimmers the last golden rays of a sunset, but where she once would enjoy such sights, the golden colors now make her wary._

 _This place, she finally remembers, was where she and Kozmotis had met many times. Before and during their courtship, he had taken her here many times, because she had found the sight so breathtaking at any hour of the day. Now, however, the reminder of better times, and wondering about Mansnoozie's influence, only made the sight painful, and she turns away so she won't have to look at it._

 _There is a tree, a large oak, where a swing bench hangs from its strong branches. And there sits Kozmotis, watching her, with eyes that now are a painful gold rather than the colors he had before… And in her distress, she realizes that she doesn't recall anymore what color his eyes used to be._

 _She doesn't approach, and he doesn't move to do so either. And when he speaks, she feels his voice more in her head, rather than hearing it._

 _"I am so sorry."_

 _His words are filled with the deepest regret and shame, and it brings a bitter taste to her mouth that she can't identify, that she knows is a result of his state of being. She says nothing, looking away from him._

 _"It wasn't supposed to be like this," Kozmotis then says, and he grits his teeth in a way that shows he is frustrated. She idly wonders if he is having a hard time showing himself in a human form now._

 _"Was it me?" She suddenly asks, getting a surprised look from him, that also for some reason leaves a scent of oranges in the air. "Was the thought of being married to me so awful?"_

 _Sorrow and regret is a mixture of the scent of heavy rain, and the bitter after-scent of gunpowder, as Kozmotis stands up from the swing. He is in his uniform, she idly notices, and she wonders if it's to bring more pain to her than Mansnoozie already has._

 _"_ Prettygoldone- _" He stops and grimaces, before he tries again, speaking slower. "Sanderson Mansnoozie… we met many years ago. He became interested in me. He found me new and exciting. And I was fascinated by him, by the stars. I can't… I don't know when the change truly began. But I was already halfway there, when you and I met."_

 _He sighed, the sound bringing with it a sensation of a soft breeze blowing through branches, making her shudder._

 _"I shouldn't have allowed the final change then." Kozmotis then said, regret bringing back the unidentifiable taste in her mouth. "But I think the festivities, the preparations, the anticipation… It was too much for… for_ prettygoldone and darkshadownight _." He hissed softly at his own slip of the tongue, before he looked to her with great sadness._

 _"...I wanted you with us. With me. I never meant to leave you behind."_

 _She can only look at him mournfully. She doesn't know what to feel at this moment, at the thought of how he expected her to give up all she held dear, all that she was, all that she is and all she would ever be…_

 _She feels tears rolling down her cheeks, the ache in her chest making her hug herself tightly, as she forces herself to keep facing him._

 _"I miss you." She whimpers. "I am all alone… I have no one but myself, and it_ _ **hurts!**_ _"_

 _"I know." He replies sadly._

 _"And every week that… that_ _ **THING**_ _keeps coming back!" She hisses bitterly, turning away. "As though to mock my pain..."_

 _"No…" Her husband replies gently, "never. But he wants you to be a part of what I am as well."_

 _She bares her teeth, anger sending heat through her limbs._

 _"I am not some_ _ **PET**_ _for him to collect from a shop!" She hisses. He makes no move towards her, makes no attempt at any lies or fake comfort._

 _Everything seems to go still around them, as though they have been covered by a thick shell of glass, that blocks out the sounds of the world. Not even a wind is blowing in this dreamscape, and she wonders idly if Mansnoozie is listening to them._

 _"Is humanity so terrible?" She asks quietly. "Is mortality?"_

 _"I never really got to wonder about that, I suppose." He admits after a moment. "When you're a very young human, you rarely wonder about mortality. Even in the army, we all felt like we were going to live forever..." He grimaces. "Mansnoozie gave me a taste for something else… and I just couldn't stop." He looks back at her, frowning sadly._

 _"But I wish now, that I had."_

 _She can't help a sob, and she doesn't resist when he finally, finally reaches out to touch her, before gently pulling her into his embrace._

 _It is all that she remembers, all that she misses._

 _"I never meant to hurt you." He whispers quietly, brushing his fingers gently through her hair. "I wanted us both to be happy. I never wanted you to be left alone like this."_

 _She slowly shakes her head. "I don't know if I ever could have been happy… Not with Mansnoozie involved like that." She lifts her head to look up at him, and in the dark shadows cast by the trees, she feels as though she can see stars shimmering in his eyes._

 _"All I had was you. And now you are gone."_

 _He just looks at her sadly, reaching up to gently brush his fingers across her cheek._

 _"I won't force you." He finally says, "to become a part of what Mansnoozie and I am. But I will make him leave you alone." He leans down, pressing his forehead against hers._

 _"… I hope you will find happiness again one day."_

-  
She woke up, and for once in a long time, she felt well rested. She looked up sadly at the canopy above her bed, thinking of Kozmotis' last words.

"You were my happiness." She whispered to no one in particular, and curled up in bed, weeping quietly until she had no more tears.


End file.
